Time to Heal

A thousand stars were shining like silver on the black night sky, accompanied by the full moon. Grass straws, moved by a warm breeze, were whishing quietly, soothing the world to sleep. The cicadas were playing their symphony.

Carmen was lying wide awake in the middle of the field, her distracted gaze fixed at some distant point. She felt as if the sky was about to crash down at her, smashing her bones and leaving her breathless.

She closed her eyes, feeling the tears accumulating behind her eyelids. She tried hard to imagine him beside her. But all she had were memories. Flashbacks from not too long ago were unceasingly flowing through her head. It all happened so unbelievably fast…

“Way too fast,” said the tiny voice inside her head.

Josh appeared in her life out of nowhere, turning her world upside down. He had changed her forever and now she was left alone. But truth be told, none of this was his fault. It was nobody’s fault basically. Just so you know: the thing about life is that it’s unfair.

Carmen remembered everything as clearly as if it happened just yesterday. People often told her there always was a rainbow after the storm. Josh was the rainbow that came in the grayest of times. He was also the smell after the rain she adored so much, and the sunshine that kept her warm through all the chilly moments, and every little thing that made her smile so widely. He was everything that made her life complete.

She watched the stars above her carefully. She wondered whether he was somewhere out there now, looking down at her. He wouldn’t really leave her on her own, would he?

One of the stars broke away from the rest and falling lower and lower, it was slowly going out. Carmen put her hands up in the air, as if to catch the star into her outstretched fingers. It blinked twice and disappeared before she could even think of whispering a wish. Making wishes seemed pretty pointless now, anyway. It was clear that no falling star would bring back what disease had taken away.

Death is an inseparable part of a human’s life, so why does it always have to hurt so much when it comes? We’re all born to die. We should be prepared for it, but is it something you can ever get prepared for? Even when you expect it, still it hurts.

Even though she saw it coming, it smashed her heart into million pieces. If only there was a way to pick them up and put them together again…

Carmen felt a tear rolling down her cheek. She thought about Josh, how he was undoubtedly the strongest person she had ever come to know. She wondered what he’d say if he really saw her from above. She imagined his sparkling blue eyes, looking at her with care. He’d tell her it was okay to cry, yet he certainly wouldn’t want her to be consumed with sadness forevermore. She could almost see the disappointment in those eyes.

It had been six months and she did nothing but drown herself in mourning. She knew it wasn’t what he wanted for her.

She felt as if he were standing right in front of her, pulling a hand in her direction, encouraging her to get up.

“You have to leave the past in the past and keep moving forward,” Carmen could almost hear him say those words.

She slowly rised from the ground and looked up to the sky again. She smiled softly through the tears. If there was one thing Josh had taught her, it was not to give up.

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