She would never have chosen him. Had there been a choice.
Every spare moment she spent asking questions to no one in particular; she didn’t expect anyone to give her any interesting answers, anyway. But why her? And, for heaven’s sake, of all people walking on this poor planet, why him?
He wasn’t the right person for her and there were a thousand reasons to prove that. Reason number one: he was a bad guy. That was the one thing everyone could say about him. There were countless rumours about the things he did, it was hard to keep track of everything people said about him. Reason number two: he would never, ever even look her way. Not to mention saying a single word to her. Why would she waste her time on someone like that? And most importantly, he was just… well, him. You simply don’t fall for a person like him.
She felt like bursting out laughing at the mere thought of something so ridiculous. And so she laughed at herself, trying to turn everything into a joke, but deep inside she cried over her own stupidity.
Because deep inside she knew the truth.
She was madly and hopelessly in love.
Every day she created brand new distractions to keep her mind busy and keep his image out of it. Every day she adjusted the mask to cover her real feelings. She painted her entire self in a thick layer of denial.
This, however, wasn’t as easy as she thought it’d be.
She read books. And watched TV shows. Tons of them. She took up French classes. She became a lot more sociable than she’d ever been before. Unfortunately, neither going out with friends nor flinging herself into work was much helpful.
She may have tricked her own mind, but she wouldn’t fool her heart. Maybe she was able to block out her thoughts for a while, but she would never succeed at blocking out her feelings.
Ironically, it was his face that kept popping up in her head that always distracted her from the things that were supposed to distract her from him. Nothing could ever keep her busy enough to completely forget the way her breathing sped up whenever he was around. Or even when he wasn’t. As much as she tried not to, every time she’d think of him she’d find herself struggling to breathe steadily, slowly drowning in the hopelessness of this situation.
This was bad. Everyone told her so.
But then, she stopped listening. She didn’t listen to the advice offered by her friends.
“This thing will bring you no good.” “He’s not the guy for you.” “Better forget him.”
What did they know? Should she trust the rumours or her heart?
Because, truth is, we don’t really have much say in who we fall in love with. We don’t stroll down the street, looking at people and thinking: Ah! Yes! He’s the one. I’m choosing to fall in love with him!
It just sort of happens. Sometimes we’re not even aware of that at first. Life chooses for us. And sometimes it takes time to realize why we have feelings for that exact person.
So, if she’d had a choice, she would have chosen someone easier to love. But it just sort of happened and she fell in love with him. And eventually, she chose to throw away the mask and peel off the paint she’d used to cover up the truth. She chose to listen to the lost voice of her heart.
She didn’t care what people said. New rumours would be spread. New history would be written. There might not be a happy ending but she was ready to take the risk. She would never try to distract herself from love again.
I kind of feel like I’m writing the same thing over and over again, but well, I’m honestly enjoying it and that’s what counts, yeah?
Also, this story was inspired by the Inspiration Monday prompt “Create a Distraction”, but eventually I managed to squeeze in all the other prompts (Lost Voice, Adjust the Mask, Peeling Paint, New History). A round of applause for me, please!
Feel free to leave a comment. Thanks for reading!