Denial

Me trying not to write is like me trying to deny who I am.
Well then, write, why don’t you?
I can’t.
Why is that?
I’m telling you, I can’t. I’ve been blocked forever. The words won’t come. I’ve lost all of them. Or I’ve let the perfectionist in me lock up my words in the drawer at the far back of my mind, discarded as not good enough. All the time, I hear them calling and kicking, trying to escape, begging to be set free, and it’s driving me insane.
So you’re speaking non-words to me right now?
Oh, come on. You know what I mean.
I do know. I know, because I’ve used that same excuse a million times.
Excuse?
Yes. The whole I-want-to-write-more-than-anything-else-in-this-world-but-I-cannot-find-the-words bullshit. Don’t you see? It’s just a lie you tell yourself to get rid of the guilt. But you only end up feeling worse. A writer has to write. Just like any leaving creature has to breathe. It’s that simple.
It sounds simple when you’re putting it that way. So what should I do?
Write.
But write what?
You know what you want to write.
But…
Na-ah. No buts. Don’t think. It’s simple. Just write. Take a deep breath, then exhale the words onto the page. Give it life. Only you have the power to bring these stories to life.

And so I breathed. Inhale. One… Two… Three…
How disappointed I was when the only thing I gave back to the atmosphere was carbon dioxide.

Still no words.

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6 thoughts on “Denial

  1. And so the words flowed onto the screen.Nobody know where they came from, my mind was stumped as the heart took over. Moving my fingers relentlessly across the keyboard. Making words pop up that share a desire and dreams of a single individual.

    Each stroke pulled a tear as they were read, one by one words became sentences that showed the truth. A controversy of what one was believing.

    We write, about what we see. We create what is not there. and thus the world opens up in front of us keeping us reading the words you was unable to find.

    Best wishes
    Crow

  2. Only you would write a brilliant rant about your inability to write! ❤
    As always, this is a very fine blog post 🙂

  3. I don’t know why I’m JUST seeing this, but it’s PERFECT for right now. I’m attempting to get my blog up and going but I can’t find the words… Realistically I’m scared to write in fear of what others with think…

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. I’m glad you enjoyed my post. The beginnings of blogging may be difficult (and to be honest, not only beginnings. I haven’t been around lately, because I keep finding excuses not to write). I guess my advice would be: do it for you, above all, not for others. Write because you enjoy it. And don’t fear other people’s opinions. We all have different thoughts about different things and that’s beautiful! Good luck with your blog!

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