Amble

One step at a time – time measured in heartbeats. Slow and steady harmony, every movement guided by the breath. In and out. Tense, relax. One foot after the other, placed thoughtfully, not rushed. Noticing the sounds, the smells, the sights; the crickets singing in the dark; the black matter alive, sharing this night with me. How lucky am I and yet how pained; overwhelmed by … Continue reading Amble

Routines, To-Do Lists and Goals

“I got myself yet another notebook,” I say, then quickly glance up to scan your face. I hope this makes you proud. “I’ve been doing my homework. I’ve kept my word and sat down to write five days in a row.” “Good for you.” No fireworks, standing ovation, champagne. “I’m doing really well. I sleep better, practise yoga every day…” “That’s great.” Was that a yawn? “But I don’t know why I’m doing this at all,” I admit as … Continue reading Routines, To-Do Lists and Goals

Cake

It’s just a cake, my brain repeated. But what did the brain know? I knew better. “Don’t!” I threw myself at mum and yanked the knife out of her hand. “What are you doing?!” The whole family stared at me with their mouths hanging open. “You can’t cut it,” I put down the knife at a safe distance and glanced over at grandma, whose eyes jumped … Continue reading Cake

Paper Storm

“I can’t go in there,” I plead. “Sophie, it’s just a room,” she ignores my panicked voice and pushes me towards the door. “I’m not going inside that room!” There’s a reason why I’ve kept that door closed for almost a year now. Strange things have been happening in there. I can hear them at night. I moved my bedroom to the guest room, but I … Continue reading Paper Storm

Eyes

The first thing he noticed about her were the eyes; eyes so different from those he usually fell for. Not the ocean–like type of eyes, easy to get lost in, where drownings are a common cause of death. Not the pale ice-cold kind of eyes that pierce your soul and chill you to the bone. The eyes he was looking into were so different from the ones that had … Continue reading Eyes

Complicated

Please, do not understand me too quickly. — André Gide I’m complicated. Uncomplicate me. Or don’t. Don’t understand me too quickly. Let me stay a mystery for just a while longer. You said you liked mysteries. Did you change your mind? They always change their minds. You’re not them, you protested. I’m not them either. I’m me. I’m who I said I was. I’m complicated. My soul … Continue reading Complicated

Surface

I fought to keep my head above the surface, screaming at my brain to make the useless muscles work. Everything that has clouded my mind for too long, the heavy heart, the things I’ve kept bottled up – they’ve grown and pressed down on me until I could no longer bear the weight. You pulled me under. Each and every one of you who never believed in me. Or was it me who let … Continue reading Surface